In my fridge tonight

3 mayo, 6 mustard, 10 beers, old ketchup, old catsup, old syrup times two, bottled water x 23.5, twenty-plus lbs. of ham in various states of decay, want some?, one old orange, one old green? pepper, 1/2 an old onion, pickle juice and seeds in jars, old jelly, old pesto, old frosting, old dressings, old Old El Paso, assorted sauces in packets and bottles, 6 vanilla cokes, onion juice, 2 Comfort Sunshine Roast 4-cup coffee pucks, baking soda, stains, 1 Black Bean Drink, 1 Grass Jelly Drink, 1 Spam Single, a bag of Andy's Brand Fish Breading, and something in foil that I ain't gonna open